The Crow

Christmas is approaching and the significance of that is that 2 weeks of holidays have already passed and I haven't gotten that much done.

My main goal during this time off was to organize all picture files (that would be about 4000 images) and size them all for various websites. I started a photobolog last summer "CROW ALLEY" (not functioning yet so no link), chronological photo a day - later 2 or 3 a day - of all my photos from the very first one. So far I've posted them up to 2004 and that's just about when I started classes and became even more prolific.

So, instead of proceeding with the huge amount of work on the photoblog, I have taken my professional website into a new template design. Simple b&w Flash site but it allows for great navigation and larger photos. The last few days I managed to re-size but one gallery. They are clever these people at FolioLink - there is nothing to identify me on the template, thus creating a market for their branding service. Which means I have to design my logo and that's had me stumped for years. Maybe I can work with a designer here and give it to them to install on the template.

Everything just keeps getting more complicated. Everything on the computer is a pain because of a serious lack of memory on this four year-old Mac laptop and hours a week are spent in transferring files from various external hard drives back and forth to the laptop. Beside the constant threat of doom posed by the very real possibility of the accidental disconnecting of ill-fitting cords (all data could be lost if you don't eject the device before unplugging) - the time factor is really too much. I need a new computer but can't decide. I love a laptop but even the new ones don't have enough space. If I get a desktop computer then I have to get a desk to squeeze in to the apartment. I did find the desk I want at Ikea - adjustable height and sturdy. I have a chair. When it comes to the Mac monitors I was going to get their new high definition glossy black screen but have since been informed that for professionals that screen hinders correct colour calibration to print. So that would rule out the more economical imac and leave the only option - the professional, horribly expensive one - the Mac Pro. Three times plus faster than what I am dealing with now - the potential to save me hours and hours of precious time and the 3 terabytes of space!!! It is also a beast size-wise and a huge chunk of cash for this new tightwad to spend. (Now that was quite a transformation - but thorough - I no longer spend money on anything without giving it endless thought - I'm sure everyone is surprised and proud of me for this new attitude towards money)

The Professional makes sense if I am going to be a professional. Apparently this will happen. Handed in my portrait portfolio two weeks ago and got a huge amount of encouragment from my teacher when he returned it last Monday. Just the best possible - I've been giddy all week. I mean he gave me a lot of pointers too but overall it seems that he (and I think he is a fabulous photographer) thinks that I see people deeply and that people respond really, really well to my photographing them. I really can, now, totally narrow my professional focus to people, portraits, editorial. It is time to become really picky about details - like colour - so the Mac Pro makes total sense. I am not helped in purchasing this impulsively - configured the way that I would want will take a couple of months after ordering to receive. So I just keep putting this off.

It has been a month now since the Joe McNally workshop and that means that I have been sick for one whole month. I'm better but still sneezing and wheezing and coughing and it seems every other day riddled with a headache. Weird.

Something has accelerated dramatically in the noise department here in my suite. Anyone who knows me knows that my weak spot (the way to torture me) is with certain noises. Last summer the apartment building across the street and below me almost forced a move when they installed their new air conditioning system. It created a high whining buzz that penetrated - the sound of being under loud power lines or next to a power sub-station - constant and boring right into my brain. I looked for another place but found nothing that was even remotely inhabitable, bought white noise tapes, slept to rock & roll blaring but not totally covering up the sound. I felt unhinged and sick - another move - where - with everything else going on with Dad's house in Victoria (and that was all about moving) the thought of moving was a killer. Then, suddenly, the noise stopped. Yeah, I could love my home again.

I got new neighbours in November - they live beside and above and below me as I live beside and above and below them - our suites wrap around each other on two levels. The 4 young men who moved in are early 20's young and they love their loud hip hop. Of course, by the time the sounds are filtered through my walls it is no longer music but a rhythmic banging that runs through my space and vibrates through the walls and even the furniture. I have spoken with them on several occasions and they are very nice. I don't know how they can all live together in such a small space and apparently they didn't even know each other before getting the suite together. All the makings of something impermanent. So, I knock on their door and they obligingly and sweetly turn the music down but it doesn't stay down and I have been very cool and sweet in return but I know someday the bitch in me will come out and then they'll probably stop turning the music down period. Now, though, they aren't the problem.

Last week the building across the way started making noises again. This is not the god-awful penetrating whine of power-lines but a constant tinkle like a squeaky wheel over and over. It is annoying but livable and I pray that it will oneday disappear as the first and worse sound did. Maybe when the good weather comes and my forty-odd thousand neighbours open their windows again then they, too, will start complaining.

In the meantime, I can live with this, I can sleep with this. I don't feel that I want to spend more than a year here with the high rents, it is not totally suitable as a studio with the low ceilings. Maybe somehow, someway I can live with my kitties again. Maybe I will just take off for some concentrated travel after dumping this place and storing my stuff - there is still room for everything in Victoria but I could probably squeeze all my pared down possessions into a large storage unit here if Vancouver is where I decide to stay - this looks likely with all my new friends and sense of community growing here - I need that and I know it. That is my strategy for coping with that sound - enjoy it here for one year more. The reason I love it here - the view and the huge deck that I haven't used in months cause of the cold. Otherwise the space seems less than it's impressive sounding 1400 sq. ft. because it is so chopped up and much of it is wasted with 3 bathrooms, useless foyer and huge staircase (a pain to climb) - it feels pretty darn small - cramped really. If I can find one big open space in a liveable neighbourhood - that would be the ticket for sure. 900 sq. ft. would be enough if it were all together and had higher ceilings.

But, and this is huge and weird, in the last week new sounds have emerged. I think certain weather conditions amplify sounds - cloud cover - extreme cold. The Canada Line is the new subway that is being built and the construction of it has bifurcated the city down the central corridor of Cambie Street. I live 13 floors up - right next to Davie street - and that is where they are tunneling the subway as it connects to the existing Skytrain in the centre of downtown (about 10 blocks from here). On the other side of my building, the side where my bedroom is, they are excavating for a new apartment building. This has been going on since last spring and the noise has been minimal. Now, though, there has emerged this constant rolling rumble like little earthquakes vibrating the whole building all day and well into the evening. All the hollowness surrounding my foundation - the 12 floors of living space and 4 floors of parking space beneath me is a hell of a lot of hollowness and I suspect this creates an environment for sound like being in the inside of a drum. The good thing aobut the Canada Line -which is earmarked to be functional for the 2010 Olympics here in Vancouver - is that when it is finished and I need to go to the airport all that I have to do is walk a block with my suitcases and I will be whisked right to the airport. The neatness of this is not really a practical consideration cause even when in traveling mode I try to fly as little as possible and if it's a trip on this continenet then I prefer driving or the train.

But the rumbles from this dual underground excavation cause my body to be constantly on alert. A panicky feeling of impending doom. I have lost a sense of foundation. When I go to gyro, Kathleen notices how ungrounded I am. I constantly feel caught in the headlights and look forward to my holidays being over so I can get back to being busy and out of the house. Something's got to give and I have scheduled apartment hunting - preferably studio hunting - to be a weekly event - not too hard cause so much on the internet.

The bottom line is - this place is temporary.

So, I am in love again. A mild case and something I must not pursue - another teacher of course (how many teachers have I loved in my life - many - cause I have this tendancy to want to look up to a man - increasingly hard to do all things considered re the reality of who men are.) This one is quick intelligent and comedic but has a dark brooding side that is absolutely off-putting, speaks to me of alcoholism and although I don't sense that he is a married man someone did mention seeing a picture of his wife. I'm thinking ex-wife but nevertheless the dark side tells me to stay away. I am sure that I can. It's not an all-consuming emotion like what I expereienced with Bunny. The Bunny episode, I am sure, has made me totally capable of pursuing any man in spite of lack of encouragement on the man's part. I think this one is very interested in me. I just don't believe it would be healthy to be with his moods. So, I will stay away. I won't have a class with him next semester but he is always there.

This long post just popped out. Life is very good despite the complaints here. I hope to blog on a regular basis again. Soon. When I get a little more caught up.

Comments

[thisCassandra]

I love this image. It's so witchy. Can I get a print of it?

[Sam]

So great to hear the fantastic feedback from your teacher regarding portraiture. I believe it!! I really wish we had both been feeling better when I was there and had more time to go through photos together. A real shame and I regret it. Will check Magic for new images. Take care, Young Thing. :)

[Sam]

Happy New Year....it's just rung in after 12 for you :)...

[J. Claire]

Finding moments to catch up and write. Thanks for popping by, ladies.

Cassandra, would love to give you a print of the crow - let me know when you've got some free time and we can get together.

Hi Sam, hope your holidays went well, will write soon. Magic Happiness Co. is undergoing major re-haul - new template that allows bigger photos so I am re-sizing everything and also have to come up with an intro page and a logo that displays whose site it is (I guess a smart trick of foliolink to get people to use their design service). A few galleries are already re-sized but figure it will probably take a few months to get it in shape. Teacher says both physical portfolio and on-line portfolios are an on-going thing that require a lot of maintenance and it has been stressed that for professional edge - new work should be updated at least monthly. What have we all gotten into with this photography thing? Til later then,

J. Claire